Great program to help caregivers feed elderly parents

I know that it is hard to determine what my mom is eating. I am a long distance caregiver. I ask every day what she eats. Many times she cannot remember. When I am there for a few days, she seems to eat all the right things. However, I don’t cook like I should because of my limited time with her. Hence, we go out and she is not getting the complete nutrition she needs. She now is pre-osteoporosis so she needs more calcium. I have suggested meals on wheels to her but she has had friends say that the food is inconsistent. A program in Albany has been created to help with the stress caregivers feel trying to feed their elderly relatives and friends. The program called “Cooking under pressure.” This program provides a handbook with shopping tips, recipes, and actual help plan and shop for meals. You can checkout this website for more resources. All of us that have cared for family with cancer or other illnesses, as well as our elderly parents, know that trying to find food that is good for them and that they will eat is one of the most difficult aspects of caregiving. I know that when I was caring for my aunt with breast cancer, I went up and down the aisle looking for things I had not thought of before. Hopefully, there are programs such as this in your area.

Respite care to help recharge the caregiver

How important is repite care to the health of the caregiver? The article in the Republican on June 24 provides real life examples of how respite care helps everyday people who are the primary caregivers of their elderly parents. An abstract from a pilot study conducted at the University of Florida on the effect of respite care on the stress levels of the caregivers suggests that a caregiver’s stress level will be minimized through respite care. Both of the previous materials are directly related to respite care for people caring for the elderly. However, every primary caregiver needs to take advantage of respite care services available in their region. A good resource for everyone on respite care is the ARCH National Respite Network. This website details the life of the Lifespan Respite Bill passed in 2006 and how it is completely underfunded. We all need to get in touch with our legislators and make sure that they fund the bill.

Swapping roles with your parents

I recently had a discussion with a baby boomer (mid 50’s), like me, who was taking care of her mother who was visiting from a different state. Her mother lives in an assisted living community where she has her own place but people help her with mobile, medical, and personal hygiene issues. After a week of caring for her mother and working , she took some strong medication because she needed a break. She left her mom and went over to a neighbor’s house to take a nap. Her mother was angry and she wanted to leave and fly back home. The friend did not understand why her mother did not understand the burden that was being placed on her. This friend has never had kids. I explained that we are now taking over the parenting role and we must remember how we felt when we were treated as something to just care for as kids. It is difficult to swap roles with our parents in a way that maintains their dignity, yet, keeps them safe and as independent as possible. I would think if you have never been a parent then it would be more difficult. Also, like many of us, she may not have had the best of relationships with her parents at times. But they are our parents, they cared for us the best they could (in most instances). We must do the same for them.

Men taking on more as caregivers for elderly parents

The NY Times does an excellent story on a study by the Alzheimer’s Association and the National Alliance for Caregivers showing that men make up about 40% of the family caregivers. This percentage is up from 1996. I know that men can make GREAT caregivers because my ex-husband and best friend has been caring for his 97 year old mother for over a year and prior to that he helped his mom care for his father who had Alzheimer’s. However, I believe that he is an exception to the rule. I have seen so many brothers, husbands, and other male family members pass such duties off to the females in the family.

The sad part of the article is that male, like female, female caregivers can get very ill from caregiving. They must take on both the emotional, the physical, and the financial burdens as do the female caregivers. I wonder if men may get even more ill because in their upbringing they are not socialized to be caregivers. Of course empathy and caring are not female characteristics, but in general we reward females for exhibiting such behaviors and make sure males know that it is not acceptable. Luckily both of my sons are like their dad, compassionate, caring, empathetic, and proud of those traits.

Reliving last year and missing my aunt

You can read all you want about caregiver stress. You can intellectually understand that you have had an episode of depression, gained weight, have increased fatigue, and your body was so depleted you had to have rotator cuff surgery. So what else could impact you from being a primary 24 hour caregiver? With the holidays coming, every night as I try to fall asleep, I think about where I was and what was happening with my aunt. This was close to the week where she had a breakdown and she and I decided it was time for 24 hour care other than us. She had 1 month or so of taking care of herself except for some medical care needed. Then our euphoria led us to let her go to long. She was rushed to emergency on my trip up to WA. She had delusions about what was happening in the hospital. She seemed defeated. It took all of my energy and love for her to bring up the 24 hour care. Her daughter did not agree. Thankfully, the doctor would not let her go without knowing she had trained care. I made sure that my cousin setup for one of those buttons and for 24 hour care. I left for Thanksgiving so the family could salvage whatever there was left of family time. Next week, would be the week I went up and did not leave until it was time to get pictures for the service. I feel haunted by those last months right now. I miss her. I can only imagine what it would be like to be a caregiver for longer than 8 months. I would recommend that anyone who has been a caregiver for any length of time for someone who died to get psychological help. I recommend that anyone who has been a caregiver get support because just the act of caregiving can compromise one’s health. Anyone else out there have similar experiences with thinking back to what you were doing this time while caregiving?

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