Discussion with neighbor caring for elderly father

Two days ago the paramedics came and took my neighbor’s father to the hospital. I don’t know exactly how long he has been caring for him in his home. But I know it has been at least for 4 years. I know he has a professional caregiver, Mary, come 5 days a week. She stops and talks to me on her way to the bus stop while I am doing my gardening. I know he put a new air conditioner in his home just for his father last summer because he has breathing problems. He works a blue collar job so I suspect that it is not only a physical and emotional drain on him, but also a financial one. I went over to ask about his father. He went on to tell me that he probably had a stroke and now has an enlarged prostrate. When I asked when he would come home, he said they did not know if he was going to go to rehab or …his voice trailed off. I said it is a difficult decision isn’t it? Then I told him why I had not been home all summer. I explained that I was recuperating from my brief stint as a primary caregiver. We talked about the lack of sleep. His father sleeps in the same room with him so that he knows how he is doing and that he won’t get up in the night. I thought sleeping with a baby monitor was bad. But with a family member who has trouble breathing and probably keeps you awake all night. Mike seemed comforted that I understood. He was getting emotional. Then he said, “My parents always said they never wanted to go to one of those places.” All I could say was ” I don’t think anyone does.”  I told him I knew how much it takes out of one. His response, “So much in all aspects.” Again he was getting emotional and other neighbors were out around us. I told him that at this point he had to do what was best for him now. My heart went out to him. You could tell he did not talk to people about how hard it was on him. He did not tell people that it was getting to him. We had made a connection that only people in the Caregiverunderground can. I left telling him that he could always come over and talk to me anytime he wanted. I believe that we have bonded, not as neighbors, but as family caregivers. We need to reach out to each other.

Caregiver sitting can lead to low back pain

I am back. Yea. For the first time since my aunt died and drove my last 14 hour trip from WA, I believe I am beating my depression and fatigue. Over the last 3 days, I have worked in my garden for 5-6 hour stints. I have gotten up by 8:00am every morning. I haven’t felt this alive for 10 months. But after crawling on my hands and knees putting 15 lbs of organic fertilizer on my hedges, roses, and other plants, I can barely straighten up. Prior to my primary caregiving where I spent most of my time sitting with my aunt or driving 14 hours one way, if I had done the same type of work I would have had some back pain the next morning but it would subside by the afternoon. This is not going away. As a physical education professor, I know that the sitting too much, the lifting, twisting, and turning associated with caregiving could impact muscle tightness, posture leading to low back pain. But stress can also lead to low pack pain as illustrated in an article in Family of Love Ones Magazine.com. The Revolution Health Website provides suggestions for ways to minimize the impact of the sitting, lifting, and twisting one does while caregiving. Another good site that gives specific ways to lift, move, and transport your care receiver is that of Changi Hospital. I highly recommend that during your caregiving hours you practice the following guidelines of Spine Universe. After reading all of the suggestions, you might say, “I don’t have time. I don’t think about it.” But if you are in pain, you will not be able to be as effective in helping your care receiver move about, nor will you will be able to maintain a positive upbeat attitude when trying to shore up the emotions of your care receiver. And as I have found out, after you are done caregiving, you may be unable to handle your everyday chores and enjoy those things you love to do like garden, hike, pickup your children, grandchildren, or just sit and watch the sunset without chronic pain. Besides the chiropractor and massage therapist, I am going to consult with a pilates instructor who is trained as a physical therapist. Wish me luck. I still want to climb Mt Rainier in August and right now I can barely get off the couch. Help others and let us know how you have managed your back pain. But hey, I am making my way back emotionally. That is a great start. Just in time to start moving into the role of caring for my aging parents. I will be much more prepared this time.

Care for the caregiver

In the last week, I have been to the acupuncturist, the massage therapist, and the chiropractor. My body has been sore and stiff since I got back in late December after my aunt died. I drove back and forth between CA and Washington more times than I can count. I sat and sat so that I could be available whenever my aunt would need me. Prior to caring for her, I had been training for an attempt at climbing Mt. Rainier. I left her a few times and did the treadmill in Sept. In May and June, I spent hours trying to keep up with her yard work while she was able to be alone. I know from my research since I finished my stint as a primary caregiver that the sitting, lack of sleep, stress, and poor nutrition are responsible for my problems. So not only have I gained weight, been extremely fatigued, and probably a bit depressed, my body is unusually tight and sore. I have found a great tool for those of you engaged in caregiving at the present time. It is a Caregiver Self Assessment Tool put out by the AMA. I highly recommend that you download it and keep it with you. If you know that you are about to start duties as a caregiver, I recommend that you use it early and manage your health and well being much better that I did.

Caregiver Stress Syndrome

For the last 3 months since my aunt died, I have been extremely fatigued, moody, and not interested in much except the dogs. I know that all the driving over the 8 months was stressful and made me stay awake for 24 hour stints sometimes 2-3 times a month besides my live-in caregiving. I am trained as a sport psychologist so I know that I have been mildly depressed. I also gained about 15 pounds in my midline which I also know can be due to cortisol from stress. My immune system has been compromised as I notice that the smallest of scratches is hard to heal. I did not eat well while caregiving and did not notice until the last few months that I was stressed. I never thought about my own health at the time. As long as I could stay focused, positive, and wakeful at night to listen for my aunt I just figured I would catch up on my sleep and relax whenever my role was done; however it might end. But that has not been the case. I am still fatigued and having a very difficult time losing the weight I gained because I don’t have the energy still to exercise. People need to realize that they could get chronically ill from caring for a family member if they don’t care for themselves. Weight gain can lead to diabetes, heart disease. Lack of sleep has horrible repercussions. I do believe that my inability to “just bounce back” is due a lot to the side effects of sleep deprivation. The information on caregiver stress discusses many of these issues. We are no good to anyone if we don’t care for ourselves. Some of us still have elderly parents that will eventually need caregiving and we must be prepared for that role. At least I have learned from experience that my health is equally as important as the family member that I will be caring for. I assume that this type of syndrome probably does not only affect family caregivers. I have spoken to social workers and they believe that many paid caregivers see their health deteriorate due to the responsibilities associated with long term caregiving. It makes me wonder if there should be a special caregiver health insurance because many people quit their jobs or don’t have jobs while they provide care to family members.

There is a debate going on as to whether the medical community should officially acknowledge this condition as Caregiver Stress Syndrome (CSS) as shown in the CNN link below.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/conditions/08/13/caregiver.syndrome/index.html

The National Women’s Health Information Center provides an excellent article on different aspects of Caregiver Stress:

http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/caregiver.htm

If you know someone who is a primary family caregiver you should provide them with some information about the problems associated with lack of sleep, bad eating habits, prolonged stress, and lack of mental and physical stimulation. I found that I kept my mind busy with the DS Lite Brain Games. They were frustrating but kept me away from the TV and my emotionally draining thoughts.