Great site for caregivers of the elderly-Ask Medicare

As the person who has been checking on my mother since my father died in January, I have noticed that my mom’s memory is off and on. She is remembering the important stuff but I know it is just a matter of time. She uses a walker and is not very mobile. I am lucky that my father had one of the walk in bathtubs put in prior to his death. She has 2 walkers and about 5 years ago we bought her a electric scooter. But I know she will never leave her home and she will become less mobile and less mobile. She is extremely heavy for her size due to her eating habits and lymphedema. I had no idea that there was a resource called “Ask Medicare” to help me navigate the system and learn what is available to my mother until I read the CNN health.com website article of August 3. As caregivers, we need to utilize all of the resources available to us for three primary reasons. First, it takes stress and pressure off of us so that we keep our sanity and do not run ourselves into the ground. Second, these resources can save us and those we care for money. Last, but not least, we can spend more time trying to maintain a “quality of life” that keeps them as independent as possible and keep their dignity.

Rite Aid has video on caring for aging parents

Rite Aid has a video-based education center that puts elder care information and advice online. This is great resource for those knowing that their time is coming to be a caregiver to their aging parents. We all need to get as much information as we can. Even if we have raised children, remember that your parents are not going to like swapping roles and feeling less independent and capable of handling their affairs or health issues. The video is called Rite Aid Giving Care for Parents is like watching documentary featuring about real families telling their stories about providing care for their parents.

Fire leading cause of safety issues for the elderly

According to a Consumer Watch report by wcbctv.com, fire is the leading cause of safety concerns for the elderly. The Good Housekeeping Institute tested some silicon pot holders because of the flammability of traditional cotton pot holders. The researchers found that the elderly loved the flexibility and lack of heat that came through the silicon pot holders. These pot holders are just one of many products that the Good Housekeeping Institute tests to help the elderly maintain their independence safely. Caregivers must educate themselves about the safety issues related to aging in the particular environment of those they care for.

Aging relatives and parent care

I am sure many of you have spent time this holiday season with relatives and parents who are aging. You see your loved ones a bit more forgetful, less mobile, and more fragile. Yet, there is still that person inside who you looked up to, respected for their individual characteristics, stamina, character, and the way they lived life. I experienced this phenomena this last week. I visited with some elderly relatives during a winter storm. I was truly concerned for their safety if they drove under such conditions. So, I volunteered to drive them around. I knew the freeway would be a safer place because those roads are better maintained, yet, when my uncle adamantly directed me onto the hilly and icy city streets, I did it. I could not bare to override him. After all, all of my life I looked up to him; respected his decision making. But by the time we got to our destination, everyone was frazzled because it was dangerous. Then I was conflicted because on one hand, their driveway was so snowy they could not get out unless they paid someone to shovel the driveway. Yet, I did not think it wise that their driveway allow them out under such conditions. There is such a fine line between helping our aging parents, relatives, and friends and stripping them of their dignity. I now believe that sometimes we must err on the side of safety and take control. I did not. I had the great idea of backing the car in and out so that IF they needed to get out, they could. Well, I got the car stuck in the snow. Jim and I had to shovel the whole driveway to get the car back in. Jim told me that I had made a big mistake because now my uncle would think it was OK to go out. Gently, I reminded them that they should not go out under such conditions. Well, the day after we left, my uncle slid on the ice in a store parking lot and hit another car. That would not have happened if I had used my good sense instead of deciding with my heart. The same thing happened today when my parents and I went to Christmas dinner at a restaurant. My mother needs to be using a walker or scooter, but her pride makes her only take a cane. I did not insist on the walker going and because we went to a different restaurant than planned, she almost did not make it to the table. If she had fallen, it would take at least 2 people to pick her up due to her weight and lymphedema in her legs. Again, not wanting to make my parents feel less mobile and functional than they already do, I did not use my head, I used my heart. If they were children, I would just take over. It is a difficult line to walk. I need to learn to cross over into both sides when it is most appropriate to maintain a good quality of life for all of my elderly relatives, friends, and my parents. I hope that us baby boomers learn some lessons from caring for our parents. We need to acknowledge that body parts wear out, our mind and reactions will never get faster so we need to accept help and utilize all of the gadgets, makeovers to homes, and services without resisting so that people do not need to make a choice between our dignity or our quality of life. As caregivers, we must always do what is right for our parents, relatives, and friends, not what makes us feel safer or better.

Discussion with neighbor caring for elderly father

Two days ago the paramedics came and took my neighbor’s father to the hospital. I don’t know exactly how long he has been caring for him in his home. But I know it has been at least for 4 years. I know he has a professional caregiver, Mary, come 5 days a week. She stops and talks to me on her way to the bus stop while I am doing my gardening. I know he put a new air conditioner in his home just for his father last summer because he has breathing problems. He works a blue collar job so I suspect that it is not only a physical and emotional drain on him, but also a financial one. I went over to ask about his father. He went on to tell me that he probably had a stroke and now has an enlarged prostrate. When I asked when he would come home, he said they did not know if he was going to go to rehab or …his voice trailed off. I said it is a difficult decision isn’t it? Then I told him why I had not been home all summer. I explained that I was recuperating from my brief stint as a primary caregiver. We talked about the lack of sleep. His father sleeps in the same room with him so that he knows how he is doing and that he won’t get up in the night. I thought sleeping with a baby monitor was bad. But with a family member who has trouble breathing and probably keeps you awake all night. Mike seemed comforted that I understood. He was getting emotional. Then he said, “My parents always said they never wanted to go to one of those places.” All I could say was ” I don’t think anyone does.”  I told him I knew how much it takes out of one. His response, “So much in all aspects.” Again he was getting emotional and other neighbors were out around us. I told him that at this point he had to do what was best for him now. My heart went out to him. You could tell he did not talk to people about how hard it was on him. He did not tell people that it was getting to him. We had made a connection that only people in the Caregiverunderground can. I left telling him that he could always come over and talk to me anytime he wanted. I believe that we have bonded, not as neighbors, but as family caregivers. We need to reach out to each other.